


Your Pain Won't Die With You

by Fairly Fluffy (orphan_account)



Series: Band Oneshots [4]
Category: As It Is (Band)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Originally Posted on Wattpad, Sad but cute, honestly idk, patty talks to god ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Fairly%20Fluffy
Summary: the aftermath of patty's failed suicide attempttitle from 'Sea of Trees' by Annisokay
Relationships: Benjamin Langford-Biss/Patty Walters
Series: Band Oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810555
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Your Pain Won't Die With You

**Author's Note:**

> i meant to post this yesterday but i forgot oops

It's so cold. I can feel my blood freezing in my veins. I can't see anything; the world is pitch black around me. I can't feel anything, either. Except for the cold.

My body doesn't seem to have any weight. It's such a strange sensation... I can't even begin to describe it. I can't move anything, either. Where am I?

"Hello there." I can't see who spoke. Their voice is soft and kind, but commands attention at the same time.

"Who are you?" I ask, confused. Is this even real? "Where am I?"

"You are in the void between Life and Death, Patrick Walters," the voice says. "Here you must see how the one you hold most dear reacts to your passing."

"Wha- What? Why-" A loud snap echoes through the darkness, cutting me off.

In an instant, the void is replaced with a painfully familiar room. _His_ room. Band posters cover the walls and sweetly scented candles sit on the desk in the corner, next to a stack of books. Books _I_ told him to read. A pile of dirty laundry sits on the floor. Crumpled up balls of paper lay on the floor near the garbage can.

He sits on the bed, a notebook open on his lap. He tears another page out and crumples it up, condemning it to join the other pages on the floor. His long hair is messy and tear tracks stain his cheeks. He still looks stunning.

"This is the aftermath of your death, Patrick Walters," the voice says. I barely comprehend the words; I'm too focused on Ben.

I'm not sure if I want to hold him and tell him everything will be okay, or if I want him to hold me. I can't move, so neither is possible. I wish I could cry with him.

I know that I'm the reason he's upset. I know that I'm selfish for not thinking about how my actions would affect him. I also know that it's too late to take back what I did. I'm already dead.

"You're not."

"What?" I ask. I'm not sure if the voice can actually hear me, but they respond anyway.

"You are almost dead, Patrick," they say. "I can see how much this boy means to you. I usually don't do this, but..."

Ben's room fades to black around me, and the cold is replaced by scratchy sheets over my body. I can feel the weight of my limbs again.

"I'm giving you a second chance..." The voice wavers and disappears.

I groan softly and turn my head to the side. My eyes flutter open and I find myself in a sterile white room. My little sister sits in a chair next to the bed, looking down at me sadly. Her face lights up when she realizes I'm awake.

"Patty, oh my god," she says, a bright smile spreading across her face. "You're okay." She hugs me as gently as she can. "The doctors said you wouldn't make it if you didn't wake up in the next few days."

She doesn't let go of me. I wrap my arms around her as best as I can, but my forearms hurt a lot. She starts shaking a little, and I feel a wet spot where her face is resting on my shoulder. I rub her back.

"Hey, Rachel?" I say. My voice is a bit scratchy. "I'm sorry."

Rachel pulls away. "Don't be," she says. "I had no idea you were hurting so much."

"I should've talked to you."

"Patty..." She sighs. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're okay."

I look down at my hands in my lap and don't reply. Rachel calls in a nurse, who quickly checks me over, then sends in my parents. They ask me questions and I give them short answers. I just want to see Ben at this point. I need him to know that I'm okay.

When I ask about him, I'm told that he can visit me later. I'm told that I need to rest. I try to, and eventually I do fall asleep.

I wake up to the feeling of someone's fingers intertwined with mine. I know it's Ben, so I squeeze his hand as I let my eyes adjust to the bright light. He looks up from his phone and smiles at me.

"Hey, Patty," he says softly. "How're you feeling?"

"My arms hurt," I reply. "But mostly I just feel guilty. I... I should've called you, or- or talked to someone, but I-"

"Patty," Ben interrupts me. "What exactly could I have done to help you? I don't know how to deal with this stuff."

I squeeze his hand again. "You make me feel like everything will be okay. Like someday I won't feel like some worthless freak." I look away and take a shaky breath. "You make me feel safe and loved, Ben."

When I look at him again, he wears a small smile. "That's all I've ever wanted to make you feel." He cups the side of my face with his free hand, his blue eyes soft with emotions that make me feel incredibly warm.

We gaze into each other's eyes for a long moment, until I work up the courage to ask him something.

"Kiss me," I whisper, just loud enough for Ben to hear. He looks surprised, and his cheeks are tinged with pink. Mine probably are, too.

"What?" he asks, flustered.

I grin at him. "You heard me."

"O-okay." Ben leans forward and presses his lips to mine. They're chapped, but I don't mind. The kiss is short and sweet; just perfect for the moment.

"I've wanted to do that for so long..." Ben trails off with a shy laugh.

"Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't resist the 'hey rachel' reference i'm so sorry


End file.
